Hodgmania

"That man with the toilet plunger on his head, that's a Princeton man."  Hodgman's segment at the beginning of last week's TAL is amazing.

The Jindal Backlash

It's pretty much accepted that Jindal's response speech didn't go over well. But he'll come back. He has 4 to 8 years to.

However, I don't think the Republicans understand how much racism could hurt him. Regardless of his actual background, watching an Ivy League-educated Indian guy support policies that seem to have total disregard for the poor plays directly into a certain stereotype. Especially when he seemingly vows to let any future hurricanes and floods just wash away all the dirty slums.

"Useful Articles of Produce" Cause of Unnecessary Gruesome War

Wave of Drug Violence Is Creeping Into Arizona From Mexico, Officials Say

Beefcake!!

here

Am I Better than a Rage-Filled Chimp?

"Travis’s social skills included drinking wine from a stemmed glass, dressing and bathing himself and using a computer."

I haven't mauled anyone lately, which is a point in my favor.

He has nicer wine glasses than me, which is a point in his favor.

Although he dresses himself, he wears nothing but a diaper. I wear clothes outside my diaper.

Also, I am still alive. Therefore, I am better than a murderous monkey.

A Shakedown

Is what this is. In a few months, completely coincidentally, this county in South Carolina will have broken ground on a wonderful state-of-the-art public swimming facility, and Michael Phelps will have served no time in jail.

A perfectly reasonable use of law enforcement, if you ask me.

Privatizing the Horrible

Sometimes it's better for your government to do the dirty things, like committing war crimes and trying to rehabilitate 12 year-old arsonists.

Today Blackwater announced that it's changing it's name to Xe. This is its idea of becoming more friendly, because, "The company's name -- Blackwater -- was inspired by the dark, brackish water on the land [where its headquarters are located], near the Great Dismal Swamp." And also because of that other thing.  Along with changing its name to Xe, the company hopes to change its image with new management and a change of location. It has named Destro managing director and is moving its headquarters away from the Great Dismal Swamp, to a base in a secret mountain in Antarctica.  

Yesterday, two Pennsylvania judges pleaded guilty to various kind of fraud for taking millions in kickbacks from private juvenile detention centers, in what sounds like an excellent use of taxpayer money.

"At worst, Hillary Transue thought she might get a stern lecture when she appeared before a judge for building a spoof MySpace page mocking the assistant principal at her high school in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. She was a stellar student who had never been in trouble, and the page stated clearly at the bottom that it was just a joke.

Instead, the judge sentenced her to three months at a juvenile detention center on a charge of harassment.

She was handcuffed and taken away as her stunned parents stood by."

These videos commissioned by the ACLU in the early 1990's show the potential and inevitable abuses that come when you privatize any part of the judicial process.




(I think they made a nice creative choice, unnecessarily adding Dutch or Danish subtitles to this one.)

Government is best able to handle guarding our own diplomats and running kiddie prisons because it can ram so many rules and regulations down the throats of soldiers and prison officials that nothing happens without protocol. It is impossible for government to cut corners with life and liberty in order to make a profit, because we force it to put principles over profits. This is good because it's very hard to profit from the horrible without violating some rights.

Bonus: I don't think any of us would have had to go through that damn election if we'd known that this existed.

Gregg's Census Phantom

No one can figure out what the hell Gregg was talking about when he said that he was withdrawing from the Commerce Secretary nomination, because of A. the stimulus framework that has been pretty obvious for months, and B. some dispute over how the census is run.

Although the census sounds like the most boring thing possible--literally just counting people--it's also, ultimately one of the most important things in politics. It decides how districts are drawn, and thus, who controls them. So maybe Gregg really has a problem with Obama's ideas for the census.

And maybe, hopefully, his census beef had something to do with this? Counting inmates where their prisons are is a real issue that helps Republicans and hurts Democrats. It's insane. I don't know if it would actually mean much outside of New York and California, but it has the feel of something that could take a lot of weight away from Republicans over the long term.

Update:
Gregg's census thing actually had something to do with either:
a. How Hispanics are counted--sounds like some Dems want to do estimated counting, probably because people are scared to talk to census-takers, or
b. an Abramoff problem (itunes link 2/13 show).

But the inmate counting thing is for real.

Haddadi

. . . was called up from the D-League and has played a couple of games with Memphis. Why Memphis? Seems like a great opportunity wasted.

I know some super-wonks think this sort of stuff is bullshit. That it's not worth the time. But 60% of Iran is under 30.


(Obviously I was wrong before when I thought the Griz were still in Vancouver. It's hard to keep track of these fake teams. And I take back what I said about how he should be on the Blazers. He should be on the Wizards or Knicks.)

Actual Food Porn

Here (from FittedSweats)

Angry, Sexist Reviews of Movies I Will Never See

I feel like I probably don't even need to explain why I hate that these movies exist. But I'm going to rant anyway.

Confessions of a Shopaholic
To accurately present the absurdity of this plot, I will reverse the gender roles.
a. A woman whose life consists of something self-destructive that no straight men understand or enjoy: high fashion shopping b. accidentally gets a job in a powerful male-dominated industry (an investment bank circa two years ago or some such place), where
c. an extremely hunky British guy falls for her

becomes

a. A guy with a horrible sports gambling addiction
b. is accidentally hired by a top PR firm, even though he is nearly illiterate
c. and his boss, who is a beautiful topless Swedish woman his own age, decides to make a temple of his penis

He's Just Not That Into You
This book may have been necessary for the 60% of women who are willfully oblivious to the fact that they date total assholes. But the other 70% of women (they are an amorphous bunch) just used it to justify their own ludicrous behavior and assumptions. Back in 1997, when my college roommate openly complained that he wasn't receiving any email, our RA sent him a message that said simply, "Send: Receive." That is, how many woman attempted to apply the rules of this book to some guy they were dating without any regard for the fact that they were themselves breaking all of the same rules? 200,000? 5 million? More? Maybe he's just not that into you. Or maybe he just doesn't want to look like a fucking chump.

I thought we were past the days when all that women had to do to fill their role was have a vagina and show up. Or am I a chump for thinking so?

Biden Blow-Up

The decline in relations began with a visit last year by Joe Biden, now the vice-president, to Kabul.

Joe Biden's meeting with President Karzai reportedly did not go well
At the time, as the Democratic vice-presidential candidate, he attended a private meeting with Mr Karzai.
A well-placed source describes Mr Biden, exasperated at not getting "straight answers" on drugs and corruption, launching into a verbal tirade and storming out of the meeting.
In a country where honour and decorum are second only to God and country, this was less than tactful.

In retrospect, knowing this makes Bill Richardson, despite his ongoing investigation (hey, it's New Mexico) look a little better as VP or Secretary of State. Or at least an envoy. I mean, here's a guy who can go on a weapons negotiation and hang out with Kim Jong Il or Saddam for a couple of weeks and talk about nothing but Pamela Anderson before even mentioning weapons.

?

"He is Roger Clemens in the rain, down by two in the bottom half, stripping the ball hard and sure and a little to the left, knowing that even if this batter hits a homer, he will regroup and strike out the next twenty."

What the hell?

Gaddafi

is gaming the fuck out of us.

This is seriously going to bite us in the ass if we don't start paying attention.

His aims are not pure.

With a new administration, it's time to get over the embarrassment that we may have indirectly been responsible for stuff like this:

Drug-crazed soldiers would rip open pregnant women's stomachs after taking bets on the sex of the foetus, then parade the little heads on pikes. At least one man was skinned alive before his flesh was picked off and eaten.

That is, if it's true that the CIA really helped Charles Taylor escape from jail in Massachusetts  to fuel one of their bungled Reagan-Bush era secret regime change operations (as he [in this book , and soon in his trial] and others say they did).  A Gaddafi-controlled Africa will not be good.

Elephant Cruelty

Being a Tufts grad, having recently benefited from elephant cruelty, having once had my ass grabbed by a girl in an elephant costume, and styling myself as a fake and amateurish legal commentator, I feel compelled to say something about this.

"The plaintiffs hope the lawsuit pressures Ringling Bros. to stop using elephants in its shows and contend that many circus-goers have come to appreciate animal-free circuses."

All I have to say is that that is bullshit.  America is, perhaps unfortunately, not ready to take its children to the artistic strip shows that pass for circuses in Europe.  Also, I don't think the humans in the circus are treated much better than the animals.