Dude, Seriously

Get a grip.

Buehrle

My cousin's husband is apparently training their toddler to be left-handed for baseball reasons. At first, I thought this sounded somewhat cruel but well-meaning. After watching highlights of a lefty with an 85 mph fastball throw a perfect game against one of the best offenses in baseball by throwing one hundred changeups on the outside corner, 4 curveballs on the outside corner, and 2 high fastballs, I completely support the decision to try to make this child left-handed. A right handed pitcher would have given up thirty home runs pitching like this. And more realistically, he never would have made it past AA and would currently be selling insurance.

Must Read: Sherriff Joe

This article (subscription required) is a guaranteed outrage provoker. To me, it even tries too hard to be objective. Even for those of us who still have some outrage fatigue fatigue from the Bush years, Joe Arpaio is absolutely horrible.

Key points: Arpaio's inhuman treatment of prisoners is not for prisoners who have been convicted of crimes, but rather it's for prisoners who are awaiting trial, who are still, in our country "presumed innocent." The crime most of them have been charged with is being born on the wrong side of the U.S.-Mexico border. Arresting so many people for this reason has led Arpaio to neglect actual crime. Things these prisoners are subjected to include female and juvenile chain gangs, extreme heat, effective starvation, and--just for good measure--mandatory pink underwear. Arpaio's inhuman treatment of prisoners has been ruled unconstitutional--meaning that Arpaio's prisons require some federal oversight. He has thumbed his nose at this oversight and the courts don't seem to have any real penalty for him other than more oversight. His jurisdiction includes the entire city of Phoenix. It's all terribly disgusting.

Recording Companies' Newest Idiocy

They say people are infringing copyrights by annoying me with their ringtones.

Don't Go Where They're Going

Did the story of the couple who, on their vacations, have accidentally witnessed 9/11, July 7 in London, and the Mumbai attacks get any traction last winter? This is the first I've seen it.

They sound like connoisseurs of carnage now. But I guess you'd be sick of having vacations ruined by terrorists too.

Crazy Counties -- Egomaniacal Attorneys

I've been trying to keep up with articles about iPhone and Blackberry mistrials. This one notes, "In Malheur County, Ore., jurors are not allowed to bring cell phones to court at all."

Is it really worthwhile to point this out? I lived in Oregon for about 22 years and I have never heard of Malheur County. That is because it is in that part of Oregon that weirdly borders Nevada and somehow found a way to be in the godforsaken Mountain Time Zone. With a population of 30,000 spread over 10,000 square miles, I doubt that Malheur County would ever have a problem with jurors who tweet excessively, and it may not even have reception for any handheld devices other than satellite phones.

[Malheur County, by the way, borders Harney County, which was named for William S. Harney, a cavalry officer who was involved in the Pig War, which was a dispute over the San Juans between the U.S. and Britain. The war only produced one casualty: a pig.]

And notice that that article was re-posted on Josh Marquis's blog, probably because the article quotes Marquis a few times. Marquis is the DA in the slightly more populous and influential Clatsop County (35,000 people; they filmed Goonies there). Over the last few years, Marquis has rather blatantly attempted to launch a Democratic political career by commenting nationally on every goddamn legal issue that makes the news.

But he can barely hide his true ideological leanings. Scalia cited one of his pro-death penalty articles, and this is how he met his wife:

Marquis and Cindy Price met in 1995 on a Court TV-sponsored AOL message board devoted to the then raging O.J. Simpson trial. Cindy was a former analyst at a conservative think tank. Josh Marquis was a liberal Democrat. The one thing they had in common was their belief in Simpson’s guilt. Marquis, Price and other members of the pro-prosecution group split off into a private e-mail group. When about 50 members of the group met in California, Marquis and Price came face to face and immediately hit it off. From this point, the e-mail messages turned romantic and they married in 1996.)

Interestingly, Marquis's biggest naysayer has been an attorney who parlayed his job working for the Brooklyn Public Defender into a bestselling book, a teaching gig, and a TV show staring Zach Morris, which seems to be the sort of thing Marquis is gunning for, if he never gets to run for senator or governor.

Complaint: "Mile High Sexual Harassment"

From Riches v. Iverson