Jumboning

This is stupid. See the engineering student at the beginning of the video, hunched over his computer next to a huge map of Middle Earth? This policy was caused by someone like that. Someone so certain that he will not have sex all year and so intimately involved in a computer game that he won't do his roommate the courtesy of leaving the room to watch TV in the lobby for fifteen minutes. I applaud the asshole students whose answer to this is basically, "Try and stop me."

The school where I work now, on the other hand, doesn't worry about stuff like this. They just have nationally-televised gang bangs and that hope nobody hits their head on a bunk bed.

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Finally,

a fragrance I can understand.



That's right, Britney Spears Circus Fantasy.

She used to be in a lot of my circus fantasies. Her, a deranged clown with a whip, a Bulgarian midget, a bipolar elephant, and sometimes a tiger.

Christmas Causes Slavery

Read it. Yes, Christmas decorations and toys. These are two of the things most commonly produced by slaves.

Call me cynical,

but this has all just been a very savvy way of promoting their new porn company, right?

[And yes, who names their kid Stalin?]

Will Free Health Care Ruin American Sports?

After we finally stop killing everyone in this country with our health care system, we will have to be careful that we do not really become European socialists. Reason: we could become so familiar with bureaucracy that our playoff charts will look like this and we will understand them. Also, we'll adopt the trapezoidal key.

Eddie Izzard Shames the World

As far as I know, this is real.

(thanks Erik)

Really Late Movie Review: The Hurt Locker

Holy shit.

There cannot possibly be a better movie in 2009.

(Except for maybe The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, if that works perfectly--and it probably won't work at all.)

The Hurt Locker may be the best war movie ever. And I don't feel stupid saying that because it's certainly better than Saving Private Ryan and Letters From Iwo Jima.

Can the Scorpion Be Domesticated?

UTTARADIT, Thailand (Reuters) - A Thai man is keeping more than 4,600 scorpions as pets to atone for the years he spent cooking the arachnids to sell as snacks.

Your Government at Work

Securing the nation from the threat of subpar Spiderman sandals.

Best Joke Ever?